Music Jokes: Part 2

This cartoon, from Gary Larson's The Far Side, is one of my all-time favorites.

Music & Musician Jokes - Part 1

Last night I came across a book I haven't looked at in years. I browsed through it and got some good chuckles, some of which I'll share with you.

*****
What do you call a soprano who can sight read?
An alto.

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What is perfect pitch?
When you toss an accordion into the toilet without hitting the rim.

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How do you know when a trombone player's kids are on the playground?
They can't swing and they complain about the slide.

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What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

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How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving.

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What do pirates and trumpet players have in common?
They're both deadly on high Cs.

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How do you keep two flute players in tune?
Shoot one of them.

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How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - the pianist can do it with her left hand.

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Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

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How do you know there's a soprano at your door?
She can't find the key and she doesn't know when to come in.

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How do you get a guitarist to play softer? Put a chart in front of him.
How do you get a pianist to play softer? Take his chart away.

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How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to screw it in and four to complain that it's too high.

*****
What is the difference between a Newfie chorus and an Uzi submachine gun?
An Uzi only repeats 40 times.

Gender Genie

Some linguists have developed algorithms that purport to predict a writer's gender by analyzing writing samples. It's called the Gender Genie and you can find it here. The algorithm ignores content and focuses on key words consisting primarily of conjunctions, prepositions, pronouns, etc. Intrigued, I tried it out with various samples from my blogs. I began by entering a couple of book reviews - and discovered that I'm a male!

Figuring that book reviews follow particular conventions that may reflect a more "masculine" approach to writing, I tried out the genie with several routine blog entries, family news, etc., that I've made over the past several months, from August through December. Two of them were written by a female and the other four were written by a male! YIKES!!!! Don't tell Dave about this - he thinks he's been married to a woman for almost 28 years!

So, what's the deal here? Am I about to undergo an identity crisis? Or is there a flaw in the algorithm?

Well, having read some of the theoretical background (there's some information available in the New York Times and Nature), it turns out that the algorithm is based on some tired old cliches about female and male communications styles. I know you've heard or read this before, so say it along with me: females are more comfortable talking about people and relationships, males are more comfortable talking about things. Methinks perhaps the algorithm is flawed. Regardless, the genie is still kind of fun, so you may enjoy trying it out. Maybe you'll discover your inner male or female!

(PS: I entered this post into the genie - it was written by a male.)

Silent Star Wars

Many of you know that I love Star Wars. Luke missed his destiny when he failed to marry me! I found this video the other day and had to share it. I think it's a hoot.

Photo Challenge #3: Christmas Lights

My entries for this challenge are shown below. Can you spot the airplane in #1?

These folks have a rather traditional take on Christmas.

Our Christmas tree.

Christmas Greetings!

Wishing a blessed holiday season to all my family and friends.

Oakton High Bands - Fall 2006

This is a slideshow featuring photos of the school's three concert and two jazz bands. The soundtrack, the final movement of the New World Symphony, is provided by the symphonic band, in which Joshua plays 1st trombone. You'll notice some photos with little kids, junior high schoolers and band alumni. Every year, they are invited to form a massed band and play a few songs at the holiday concert.

Land of the Loonies!

I know you've heard or read about the crazy Christmas controversies that have been brewing in the USA this season. It sometimes seems that controversy has acquired the status of a cherished Christmas tradition in these parts.

Today, an AOL headline announced that Sasha Cohen was stunned when city officials asked carolers in her vicinity to stop singing so that she would not be offended. After all, Sasha's half-Jewish, she's gotta hate Christmas carols, right? Apparently, Sasha's family celebrates Christian and Jewish holidays, since the half of her that is not Jewish is Christian (if Christianity can be regarded as an ethnicity). Sasha's mother thought the carolers sounded lovely and said that carols are part of the season.

A couple of weeks ago there was a controversy in Colorado when someone hung a wreath in the shape of a peace symbol. Some neighbor(s) felt it was an inappropriate display of opposition to the war in Iraq! The homeowner said it wasn't, but that's beside the point. My public school indoctrination - oops, education - taught me that free speech is a Constitutionally protected right in the USA. Says so right there in Article I of the Bill of Rights! The last I heard, after some really bad publicity and the realization that they were likely to lose a lawsuit, the homeowners' association withdrew its request for the wreath's removal.

Then there was the Christmas tree removal at the SEATAC airport in Washington (the state, not DC, thank God - we have enough of our own lunacy to deal with here without importing more!). Apparently, a Jewish fellow asked that a menorah be displayed too. Airport officials decided that displaying Christian and Jewish holiday symbols would lead to requests from other religious adherents, so they removed the trees! Well, that didn't last long. The trees are back up. I don't know about the menorah.


Once we've thoroughly mangled Christmas, we'll move on to the next item on the agenda:

New Year's!

I don't know whether I should laugh, cry or inhale a bag of M&Ms!

Whatever happened to "Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men?"

Maybe that should read, "Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men & Women?"

Hard to Believe It's Almost Winter!

Temperatures got into the high 60s here today.
It was glorious! My camera and I got out for a bit.

First photo: Suburban Bird

I found it humorous to see this rather pretty bird
perching on a rather ugly lightpost.
The stark, utilitarian design of the lightpost
contrasts strongly with the bird.

I caught some nice backlighting on these pine needles.

I couldn't resist the sunbeams coming through the woods.

A Scientific Search for Religious Truth

My latest book review is posted here. Check it out.

Barney Cam 5: Barney's Holiday Extravaganza

This, believe it or not, is the fifth video featuring President Bush's dog. Steve Bulla arranged the music.

Gems #5

Dave and I first met Edith Verstege in 1986 when we went to Montreal, as Salvation Army cadets, for our summer appointments. Edith, the administrator at the Catherine Booth Hospital, was Dave’s supervisor. Her husband, Hank, the administrator of the Montclair Senior Citizens Residence, was my supervisor. As Dave worked with Edith throughout that summer, he was thoroughly impressed with her professionalism and wisdom. As I got to know Edith, I was impressed with her personal warmth. She made child-care arrangements for Jonathan, who was 1.5 at the time, and went out of her way to make sure that our family needs were met.

Edith, Dave and I connected again in 1989, when Dave, Jonathan and I moved to Winnipeg, where Edith was the director of William & Catherine Booth College’s social work program. As it turned out, Edith’s house was just a mile or so down the road from ours, so we frequently saw each other after hours, as well as at work. On the night Joshua was born, Jonathan stayed with his “Aunt Edith.” She is the only non-family member who ever received that kind of appellation from either of our boys.

In addition to being close to our home, Edith’s house was just around the corner from the University of Manitoba. Since I started working on my master’s degree the day before Joshua was born, Edith’s proximity to the university was a godsend. Twice a week I took Joshua to Edith’s house, walked to class and back, then picked him up and took him to work with me. Needless to say, Edith bonded as closely with Joshua as she had done with Jonathan. She truly was a family friend, as well as a respected professional colleague.

One of the most important lessons I learned from Edith was how to distinguish between professional and personal issues. Edith could fight tooth-and-nail with someone in a faculty meeting, put her books in her office after the meeting, then go out for dinner and a show with the same person with whom she had just been arguing. She understood that professional differences don’t have to become personal matters. In professional settings she stood her ground resolutely and intelligently, but always graciously. That grace, which was always a mark of her personal relations, was the secret to separating the personal from the professional.

The other gem I’d like to write about today was Eleanor Loewen, another friend and colleague from the William and Catherine Booth College. Eleanor, a Mennonite, was one of the first (perhaps the first, actually) non-Salvation Army faculty members hired to assume a full-time position at the college. Eleanor and I had some common interests, as she was musical, enjoyed following collegiate sports (she was an Indiana grad, but I never held that against her) and specialized in education. These commonalities gave us lots of things to talk about over lunch, at basketball games, and even at the opera (since Dave won’t go with me).

One of the things I most admired about Eleanor was the deep respect she showed for The Salvation Army. She didn’t just show up to teach her classes and collect her paychecks. She was really interested in understanding The Salvation Army. Her strong, sincere desire to fully know this somewhat quirky organization led her to audit a Salvation Army history course. Being a Mennonite, Eleanor naturally had some differences of opinion regarding certain Salvation Army practices. Nevertheless, she wholeheartedly supported the college’s mission and became a true friend of the Army.

When Eleanor died of cancer a few years ago, the William and Catherine Booth College lost a monumental faculty member. I lost a very dear friend.

Booking Through Thursday

Booking Through Thursday

1. Do you like to keep your books nearby? Do you collect them? Pile, stack, shelve, hoard them? Or do you get rid of them, send them back to the library, give them away, once you've read them?

I keep my books nearby. Many are shelved. Many others are piled or stacked on shelves, tables, the floor, my night table. . . I keep many of the academic or non-fiction works and some of the best fiction. I also keep anthologies and reference works. I give away most of the fiction and some of the non-fiction.

Evie's Book Notes: Thanks for the Memories: Love, Sex & WWII

A link to my latest book review. The history buffs out there will enjoy this one.

Evie's Book Notes: Thanks for the Memories: Love, Sex & WWII

The Da Vinci Code

Dave and I are of two different minds regarding The Da Vinci Code. He has not read the book or seen the movie. I, on the other hand, have read the book a couple of times and I watched the DVD with Jonathan about two weeks ago.

I thought the movie was fairly good, but I enjoyed the book much more. In order to avoid becoming overly long or confusing, the movie had to cut out some of the puzzles and theoretical discussions that made the book so fascinating.

Why, you may ask, do Dave and I hold differing opinions about this story? Dave finds it offensive because he feels that Dan Brown's purportedly scholarly claims may confuse people who are not familiar with biblical scholarship and church history. You may know that Dan Brown had to backtrack from some of his initial claims regarding the integrity of his scholarship. His research was not as rigorous as he and his publicists claimed and they got caught out by several scholars.

I, on the other hand, am not offended by either the book or the movie. I think they provided great opportunities (which, as far as I know, most churches missed) to open up fresh discussions of church history, theology and biblical scholarhip. I find the story fascinating and well-constructed as a work of fiction. If people in our churches and corps were asking questions about the truth of Brown's claims, then pastors and officers should have responded by tackling Brown's claims point by point. How many people would have come to a corps or a church for a presentation or discussion on "Is The Da Vinci Code True? Does It Matter?" Advertise something like that in the local newspaper and see how many people show up for mid-week meetings!

Perhaps, instead of dismissing controversial books and movies out of hand, as we usually do, Christians should use them as starting points for sharing the gospel. Perhaps we should have conversations about questions people are actually asking rather than the ones for which we've already prepared our answers. Perhaps we'd be pleasantly surprised at the results of such conversations.

Statistical Shenanigans

I had just barely begun surfin' the 'net this morning when a headline grabbed my attention:

Americans Drive Less for First Time in 25 Years

Intrigued, I followed the link and read the article. The headline is based on the following statistic:

• Average miles per driver in 2004: 13,711
• Average miles per driver in 2005: 13,657

For those of you who may be, as I am, mathematically challenged, that is a drop of 54 miles driven from one year to the next. WOW! Tremendous! Surely this is indicative of a major shift in gas consumption and driving patterns!

Now, Dave can tell you that I am no statistician. I sweated my way through my mandatory statistics course in graduate school and worked harder in that course than in just about any other course I ever took. But even I know that a drop of 4/10 of 1 percent is not statistically significant. Which brings me to one of Dave's and my pet peeves: misuse of statistics.

Every day, one can scan newspapers, web sites, blogs, books, magazine and journal articles (even academic ones - remember the famous Bell Curve controversy of the 90s, stimulated by the faulty research of two Harvard professors?) and observe the persistent mauling, manhandling, misuse, abuse and slaughter of statistics. I think there are two reasons why people routinely get away with so many statistical shenanigans.

First, people are easily impressed with numbers. If something can be counted, weighed, measured and illustrated with a bar graph, we love it. Speaking philosophically for a moment, I think this impressionability is rooted in a deep-seated human desire for control of our environments - social, physical, professional, etc. We believe that if we can name it and quantify it, we can gain mastery over it. Some semblance of control is psychologically necessary if we are to function in a chaotic, precarious world in which, frankly, most of what happens around us and to us is beyond our control.

Second, even though people are impressed with number play (especially graphs), most of them have little understanding of how statistics actually work, of how they can be used fruitfully and how they can be misused deceitfully (or even maliciously). Thus, it is easy for researchers, writers, journalists, etc., to express something numerically or graphically so that it sure looks and sounds authoritative, so, golly gee, it's gotta be right!

Do you need to take a post-secondary course in math to see through this stuff? Probably not. You learned enough in high school math to crunch most of the everyday statistical numbers you encounter for yourself. And if you took a post-secondary math course, you're all set. Do you need to take a post-secondary course in logic to see through this stuff? That would actually be more useful than a math course, but it's probably not necessary. The most important thing I learned in graduate school is that statistics are more closely related to logic than to math. So, if you see some numbers that don't seem to "make sense" to you, do some basic math to check the figures for yourself. Once you've done that, examine the figures logically to determine if there are any other interpretations that can be applied to the same figures. Then you'll be able to determine if the numbers you are reading are lies, damned lies, or statistics.

Booking Through Thursday

Booking Through Thursday is a weekly meme about books and reading. These are my answers to this week's questions.

1. They say that books read as a child make more of an impact on a person than books read at any other time in life. Are there any books that you particularly loved, that shaped the way you think when you were little? I'm not asking if you believed in fairies then but don't any more. I'm asking about patterns of thought, morality--something that made an impact. - - - Yes. See answer to #2.
   


2. And, of course, examples, please! - - - When I was about 8 I read Tom Sawyer. I loved the adventures of Tom, Becky and Huck. When I was about 10 I read Robin Hood. I guess he was history's first socialist. Anyway, I admired his idea of redistributing wealth and making sure that everybody had enough and nobody had too much. When I was 12 I read Gone With The Wind. I admired Scarlett O'Hara's spunk (the world's first feminist?) and Melanie Wilkes's quiet strength.


3. Also, did you read this book/these books more than once? Many times? Even if that's not a usual habit of yours? - - - I read all of these books many times. When I was younger, I read books over and over. Now, I prefer to spend time with new books and get bored re-reading old stuff.