Saturday, September 29, 2007

The Bible Test

I found this on the Internet today. Students at a Catholic elementary school were tested on their Bible knowledge; these are some of their answers. I've left all spelling and grammar intact.


  1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
  2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
  3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
  4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
  5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezeb el like Delilah.
  6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
  7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients
  8. the Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
  9. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
  10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
  11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
  12. The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
  14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
  15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
  16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
  17. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.
  18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
  19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
  20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
  21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
  22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
  23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
  24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
  25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.


Dave said...


Erik said...

Hello Evie, this is sooo discouraging; on the other hand they are elementary school kids, but I wonder how such a test would be performed by high school and even undergraduate students. A colleague and I decided to maintain a kind of logbook of "stupid remarks and answers" and of English language errors (our school language is English because of the many foreign students)but we decided not to publish it anywhere because it would offend students as "guests of the school" ("guests"="customers"). This considerations doesn't hold for primary school kids, one can forgive their ignorance, but 20-year old students cannot be forgiven that easily. But Evie, if you would read our registration of these things! I think it's also the way school education is organised nowaday"s: everything must be funny, made interesting, LOL, in short-term projects with Googled findings, etc. My father used to say: when a teacher is boring, it's a reason to extra pay attention during class. But I'm growing old. And there's undoubtedly another side on this medal.

Evie I just posted today a contribution on my blogspot-blog, and I would much appreciate your comment for it's rather emotional. Thanks in advance.

Erik said...

I see you're reading the God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. I admire your courage! There are some books I would never read, not because of the books, but because of myself: either I cannot take an unprejudiced standpoint, or the book awakens too many emotions (e.g. Anne Frank). Thank you for reading it for me, I'm curious what you find about it.

Stephen said...

I've seen this list before. It's funny on one hand yet sad on the other.

Barbara said...

This is sooooo funny. Children say the funniest things.

Jenn said...


Robert said...

Evie, these are wonderful, it would be difficult to improve on on them I think.