Who's Defending Your Marriage?

 The Onion, the USA's second-best news organization (first place goes to Comedy Central, of course), led today's news with this headline:

Check out the hair-raising details of this tragic turn of events (if you dare):

WASHINGTON—Reports continue to pour in from around the nation today of helpless Americans being forcibly taken from their marital unions after President Obama dropped the Defense of Marriage Act earlier this week, leaving the institution completely vulnerable to roving bands of homosexuals. "It was just awful—they smashed through our living room window, one of them said 'I've had my eye on you, Roger,' and then they dragged my husband off kicking and screaming," said Cleveland-area homemaker Rita Ellington, one of the latest victims whose defenseless marriage was overrun by the hordes of battle-ready gays that had been clambering at the gates of matrimony since the DOMA went into effect in 1996. "Oh dear God, why did they remove the protection provided by this vital piece of legislation? My children! What will I tell my children?" A video communique was sent to the media late yesterday from what appears to be the as-yet unidentified leader of the gay marauders, who, adorned in terrifying warpaint, announced "Richard Dickson of Ames, Iowa. We're coming for you next. Put on something nice."

Man, oh man, oh man! President Obama's gone and done it now. It's bad enough the goofy fellow wants to give every single American access to health care. It's even worse that his meddling wife is encouraging American children to be fit and lean. Now he's letting gays tear up heterosexual marriages. He's not lifting a finger to help those poor beleaguered straight couples who absolutely cannot maintain their marriages without the full force of the American military and all three branches of the federal government standing steadfastly behind them, armed to the teeth, and fully locked and loaded.

It's a grim time for heterosexuals in America, especially married ones. Things are so grim that any heterosexuals still reading this post should stop immediately and go take care of business. Do it now. You absolutely cannot wait because, for all we know, the next bedroom the gays invade may be yours. If that happens, another bastion of heterosexuality will be destroyed forever and the collapse of civilization as we know it will be imminent.

And it will all be the fault of those darned gays.

Reporter Flunks Vocabulary Test

If you google for "iphone confession app" videos, you'll get over 170 hits. One of the reporters cited in the video below made what should have been an embarrassing flub (pay attention at 0:39):

While it's true that Martin Luther had serious complaints about "indulgences," I'm pretty sure he never objected to "condolences."

Getting Stupider By the Minute...

About two months ago, I wrote a post highlighting the fact that American high school students lag way behind their peers in reading, science and math. I'm sad to report that some American adults don't seem to be any more knowledgeable than their children. This is particularly alarming when those adults become members of Congress. A freshman member of Congress attended her first town hall meeting today and didn't waste much time before making a fool of herself (H/T to Talking Points Memo):

"A fun nugget buried in this story about Rep. Ann Buerkle's (R-NY) first town hall meeting as an elected member of Congress. Constituents repeatedly asked a puzzled Buerkle about her health benefits. She couldn't figure out why. But her staff sure could.

Buerkle, who voted to repeal the health care reform act, was twice asked about the health insurance she receives as a government employee. At first she said she couldn't understand why people were so interested in her health insurance, and that taxpayers didn't pay anything for it. She later corrected herself after being handed a note from a staffer. Like most employees, she pays for a portion of her insurance and her employer, the government, pays the rest, she said.

As Republicans point out, these are employer provided benefits, which they're all for. So it's not as simple as straight hypocrisy. But there's a fundamental tension between the GOP's naysaying on health care reform and their willingness to accept federally subsidized private insurance -- just as in the health care law. These flubs grow out of that tension."

Rep. Buerkle obviously hasn't got a clue how the American government works. That being the case, how in the world did she get the idea that she is qualified to sit in Congress? Even worse, how did the voters in her district get the idea that she is qualified to sit in Congress? There are days when I despair for the future of the USA.

This is one of them.