Last night I came across a book I haven't looked at in years. I browsed through it and got some good chuckles, some of which I'll share with you.
What do you call a soprano who can sight read?
What is perfect pitch?
When you toss an accordion into the toilet without hitting the rim.
How do you know when a trombone player's kids are on the playground?
They can't swing and they complain about the slide.
What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving.
What do pirates and trumpet players have in common?
They're both deadly on high Cs.
How do you keep two flute players in tune?
Shoot one of them.
How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - the pianist can do it with her left hand.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
How do you know there's a soprano at your door?
She can't find the key and she doesn't know when to come in.
How do you get a guitarist to play softer? Put a chart in front of him.
How do you get a pianist to play softer? Take his chart away.
How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to screw it in and four to complain that it's too high.
What is the difference between a Newfie chorus and an Uzi submachine gun?
An Uzi only repeats 40 times.