The Bible Test

I found this on the Internet today. Students at a Catholic elementary school were tested on their Bible knowledge; these are some of their answers. I've left all spelling and grammar intact.


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1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezeb el like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients
8. the Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
9. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
12. The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

The Voice of the People!

More than 10 million voters participated in the online vote regarding what should be done with Barry Bonds' 756th Home Run ball. If you can't recall what I'm referring to, see this post. Dave and I voted that the ball should be branded and placed in the Hall of Fame. The results are posted below (click on the image to see a larger version):

Last Supper Parodies

I came across some really funny parodies of Da Vinci's Last Supper that I hope you'll enjoy.

The Simpson's Last Supper

Star Wars Last Supper

Popeye's Last Supper

Big Bird's Last Supper

Ronald McDonald's Last Supper

Lego Last Supper

That 70's Show's Last Supper

Marilyn Monroe's Last Supper

Colonial Williamsburg

This is our last morning in Williamsburg. The city of Williamsburg currently houses about 12,000 residents and the prestigious College of William & Mary. Within the modern city is the historic district, which consists of old buildings, shops, etc., that are open to anyone. Adjacent to the historic district is Colonial Williamsburg, an area that houses more old buildings, shops, pubs, etc., and is operated as a "living history" museum. Interpreters play various roles and do presentations about the colonial era in the USA. One has to pay to get into Colonial Williamsburg. Dave and I found that we were able to see and do everything we wanted to do in the colonial section in one day.

Below are a few photos that I took during our visit. These are a preview of a two-week display that will be hosted on my photo blog. Go there every day between now and October 7 to see more of Colonial Williamsburg's attractions.

First photo: an 18th century harpsichord that was housed in the governor's mansion.

Second photo: people can use 18th century modes of transportation, i.e., walk on foot or ride via horse and buggy.

Third photo: A public notice board reminds visitors that much of colonial Virginia's wealth was generated by the labor of slaves, indentured servants and apprentice tradesmen.

Fourth photo: A fiddler plays 18th century tunes for visitors seeking refreshment in Shields Tavern.

Colonial Williamsburg is worth visiting if you've never been there, but it is expensive unless, like Dave and I, you get free tickets. Once you've been there, however, there probably is little need for repeated visits (although I have a cousin who comes back every couple of years). I went there with my parents when I was a teenager, so this was my second visit. If I wait another 34 years before going again, I'll be in my 80s. I'll see what happens before making any plans for that one.

Lightning Rod

I was surfing the 'Net and came across this story. My female readers will find it hilarious, my male readers will cringe in agony. Are you brave enough to follow this link?

Barry Bonds' Baseball

The link above is self-explanatory. Don't delay, don't walk, don't run - simply click, vote and fulfill your civic duty.

Who Took My Keys?

This has been an eventful morning, to say the least. We were supposed to be implementing some work and travel plans that seemed, in theory, to be fairly straightforward.

Dave and I are taking two vacation days this week: Thursday and Friday. Add the weekend to that, and we get four days in historic Williamsburg, VA. Sweet. In the meantime, Jonathan and Joshua are remaining behind to do their ordinary work, school and church stuff. Looks pretty easy, right?

Original plan:
Jonathan and Dave go to the Fairfax corps in the morning. Jonathan goes to work and Dave picks up the camper and drives to Williamsburg. He will have a business meeting in the area at 1:30 p.m., then go to the campground, settle in and wait for me. I take Dave's car to work, then drive to Williamsburg and meet him this evening. Joshua will drive my car to school today, tomorrow and Friday. Jonathan will drive his car to work and school, as usual.

What's happening now:
Dave gets an email message early this morning informing him that his afternoon meeting has been moved up three hours, to 10:30 a.m. He's not thrilled with this change, but figures it's no big deal. I, not knowing that his day has been re-arranged in this manner, leave the house at 6:45 a.m. My plan is arrive at work early, leave before rush hour this afternoon and get to the campground early this evening.

At 6:59 a.m. Dave calls to inform me that I have both sets of keys for the camper. I saw my set hanging on the peg board this morning and automatically picked them up, forgetting that I would be driving the car that already has a set of camper keys inside. OOPS! So, Dave drives Jonathan to work and is now on his way to my office to get a set of camper keys. In the meantime, he's trying to get his meeting moved back a bit because his departure has now been delayed by at least 1.5 hours. Of course, if his meeting had not been re-scheduled in the first place, the key thing would be inconvenient, but nothing to worry about. (How's that for shifting responsibility to another party? Perhaps I should be a politician.)

At 7:35 a.m., Joshua calls and asks, in an exasperated tone, "Who took my keys?" I respond, "Were they hanging on a blue lanyard?" "Yes," he answers. Thinking quickly, I suggested, "Dad may have picked them up, thinking they were the camper keys. My keys should still be there. The house and car keys are both there. Just use that set until we get home on Sunday." He says, "I just noticed them. Okay."

At 7:40, I call Dave to determine A) how far he is from my office and B) if he has Joshua's keys. Answer to A: he's still 1/2 hour away. Answer to B: yes. He says he'll take Joshua's keys back home on his way to pick up the camper and leave Jonathan's car - and keys - there.

If the revised plan goes well, or at least acceptably, everybody in the family should end up with at least one set of keys that will enable him or her to get through the weekend without much further ado. And by Sunday night, all the keys in the household should be in their rightful places.

Indisputable Proof of Global Warming

There is no way anyone can contest the implications of this graphic illustrating the results of nearly two centuries of rigorous scientific observation and data analysis.

A Great Way to Beat the Commuter Blues

I just came across this article about a couple that occasionally commutes to work via canoe down the Hudson River. Is that cool or what?

Lady Book Notes: Book Review: A Song for the World

I posted another book review yesterday:
Lady Book Notes: Book Review: A Song for the World

They'll Know We Are Christians By. . .

When I was a teen, a popular Christian folk song said this:

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord.
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord.
And we pray that all unity will one day be restored,
And they'll know we are Christians by our love,
By our Love,
And they'll know we are Christians by our love.

I also remember a minister (whom I respect greatly) saying that his goal was to "love the Jesus into sinners rather than scaring the hell out of them."

Judging by these church signs, I think some of the brothers and sisters missed that memo.

American Justice

Dave blogged recently about the Michael Vick case and his hope that justice will be served. I concur with that view. I want Vick to be treated justly, which means he should not receive either of the two extremes of Celebrity Justice: either being punished unduly harshly because of who he is and how much money he has, or paying a negligible penalty because of who he is and how much money he has.

Another disturbing legal situation that made headlines for months was the Duke University lacrosse team rape case, which turned out to be a case of wrongful accusation and vindictive prosecution. If you want to read a bit about it, follow this link to a review of a book called Until Proven Innocent.

The Duke story highlights how volatile race issues continue to be in the USA. I'm not denying that we've made tremendous progress in race relations during my lifetime. I grew up in the "liberal" northeast and I can assure you that racism there, notwithstanding the fact that it was expressed more subtly than Jim Crow, was just as deep and vicious as its southern counterpart. We've certainly come a long way since then, but the "reverse racism" of the Duke case demonstrates that we still have a long road to travel. This wretched episode shows all too clearly that all stereotypes and simplistic assumptions about race, class, gender, privilege and victimization inevitably, and tragically, undermine justice.

The judicial system is a particularly critical arena in which lives, livelihoods, reputations and careers are molded and broken every day. What happens there matters very much. Justice is not merely an ideal or an ethical code; it is the foundation of civilized social, economic and political interaction. Society's only option is to get it right every time.

Happy Birthday, Joshua!

Today is Joshua's 17th birthday! The years have flown by! What happened to that cuddly baby with the big brown eyes and the long eyelashes?

Joshua started his senior year of high school yesterday and will soon be completing his college applications. The 6-year-old who got into his older brother's computer game and changed said brother's favorite baseball team from the Blue Jays to the Green Flies (complete with green uniforms!) is almost a man. The 7-year-old who put a refrigerator magnet on the computer (he won't be doing that again) has learned a few things since then.

Ah, yes! I remember fondly ferrying him across Iowa City with his viola for orchestra rehearsals when he was in fourth grade. Then, when he was in fifth grade, ferrying him across Iowa City with his viola and trumpet (on alternate days) for orchestra and band rehearsals. And ferrying him and his brother across Iowa City for Little League baseball games.

By the time we moved to DC, Jonathan had a driver's license and a car, so he helped with a lot of the ferrying service for his younger brother (Thanks, again, Jonathan!). Now, Joshua has his own driver's license and can ferry himself - when my car is available (no, we are not buying you a car of your own for your birthday - sweet dreams!).

Happy birthday, Joshua. I love you.